Hmmmm. *grins*

*meh*

Love that Obama decided not to pay the military until after the shutdown. They'll 'earn' their salary and be paid later. They don't do that already by putting their lives on the line?!

I'm on someone's radar. Suddenly getting tons of spam on LJ. Gee thanks.

How's Flistyland?

Please excuse me if I use this space for a little therapy since I can't afford (and don't have time) for an actual therapist or support group other than my blog. *sigh*

Dear Doctor __________,

My husband and I have been on a long journey since he was injured in May of '08. What everyone thought was a 'simple' hernia has turned out to be everything BUT that. It has included a missed diagnosis, incorrect treatment and a litany of doctors, clinics and medical professionals. So we're used to this system by now. Meeting you yesterday was merely a blip in a long process that so far, isn't even close to over yet. I know that. My husband knows that. You even said you knew that as well.

That said, this bears saying even if it's only here in my little blog or somewhere on the internet. I am my husband's wife. As you referred to me yesterday, I am "just his spouse."

Do you know what that means? Just his spouse? I am his best friend. His comforter when he's sick. His care giver when he is unable to function. I live with him 24/7. I married him "in sickness and in health. In good times and bad." Let me assure you that visits to the military health facility fall firmly into those categories. Despite what you may think, the 'just a spouse' thing doesn't bother me. I am proud to be just his spouse.

So as his spouse, let me say that ignoring me or lifting your hand into my face and saying "You aren't the patient, your questions do not matter" is not only absolutely inappropriate, it's just not true. When I ask a question, it's a concern that both he and I share. You may not realize that he asks me to come to these appointments because sometimes I remember things that he doesn't. Often, I can answer questions or fill in the gaps that he can't. So my questions do matter.

You are (at most) 20-30 minutes of our lives about once every three months. Being military, it's highly possible that you may only be that 20-30 minutes this one time. We've learned through experience that when our next appointment rolls around, you could be in Germany, Iraq, Afghanistan or even *gasp* Montana. We might never see you again in the course of my husband's career. But the decisions made in that 20-30 minutes will affect (at the very least) the next two to three months of our lives. We also know that your decisions could have much longer impact on our lives than just that time. We've found that out the hard way too. You aren't our first doctor and you won't be our last.

( Even though I am just the spouse and I am not a medical professional, I do have some advice to share. It may help you in the future. )

You see, I am my husband's spouse. I'm his wife. And the military does have one thing very right about that. I AM his dependent. Proudly so. My kids and I? We do need him. We depend on him every day. So trust me when I tell you, that his care is my top priority as well.

Your absolute insistence that you 'could fix this' where none of the 20 or so other doctors previously could (and by using methods we've already tried) didn't give us confidence in your care. Looking me in the eye and saying "You're the spouse here. Not the patient. Your concerns don't matter" didn't give me confidence in your abilities either. The upside of that? I had absolutely no confidence whatsoever in your statement that we "have no hope and no other options than what I'm telling you right now."

You see, we DO have hope. You may be his assigned physician here in this military treatment facility for right now, but you're not the physician we're turning to for his care. You're not his cure. You won't be. You're not going to fix him. We know that. We rely on a greater plan and a far more trustworthy physician than you or anyone you've ever worked with or gone to school with. This physician is one that we can rely upon no matter what the injury is - physical or spiritual. And He cares for my husband and me and our children. He knit my husband together in the womb and He has held my husband in His hand for every step of his life. He's never gone TDY or deployed to another location. He's never forgotten to make note of my husband's condition and he's never misdiagnosed what's wrong. He's never left us or forsaken us. We're not numbers to Him or appointments in His day. We know that and we are so thankful every moment for that fact.

Your insistence that you are my husband's only hope? Trust me when I say that you are the only one who believes that.

So for the past year, we've been dealing with major issues with hubby. For those who remember, last Summer he had surgery to correct a hernia which was supposed to help some pain he was having in his groin region. No one could explain to us why he was in so much pain. Some said that it was the hernia. Others said it was a nerve issue. Some said it was from something called a hydrocele. But each doctor consulted in the areas of specialty (surgeon for hernia, urologist for hydrocele, etc..) insisted that his level of pain was from the OTHER area/concern because there was no way that what they saw was causing this incredible level of pain. (On those pretty pain charts with the faces that range from happy to sobbing, he spent several months off the chart - in crying, sobbing screaming range. He was in a wheelchair for between six to eight weeks because he was unable to walk from the pain.)

They performed their handy dandy surgery and removed the nerve that they believed was causing the problem. Did you catch that? They REMOVED that nerve - said it would take care of his pain issue. Problem is that it didn't. At all. In fact since his surgery in June the pain has been getting worse and worse and worse. So they said they fixed everything they could possibly fix. Nothing else is wrong. Go to pain management.

Pain Management has been the definition of a blessing and a curse. I demanded (after four months of unsuccessful treatment - several of which landed him in the ER via 911/ambulance calls) that they do an MRI to see if we could discover exactly what we're dealing with here. In March, after TEN MONTHS, they finally did an MRI and we discovered that in May of last year, when everyone assumed the hernia, nerve, and hydrocele were causing his pain that he'd actually torn the muscles that lie in the base of his pelvis. Since no one found this injury and they did a variety of things that they SHOULD NOT DO FOR SUCH CASES (open surgery, everyone sticking their hands in that area for 'exams' etc...) the muscles that were torn got traumatized repeatedly and healed into a tight little nasty ball. They are now covered with scar tissue and adhesions.

Long story short, they totally missed his injury, mistreated everything, and now they're saying (THEY say - I don't) that there's not a thing anyone can do and that he'll have this pain for the rest of his life and it will get worse. I don't buy it. I'm researching to try and find out about more treatments and more possibilities. The treatments from pain management have been horrifying. Needles (very very very long needles) injected into the center of his pelvis through his groin without the benefit of painkillers or any sort of pain relief...poking, prodding, pushing...all in that region.

We're pushing on, but thankfully now we know what we're dealing with! And that, my friends, is why I've been so absent lately. He can't drive with the meds and the level of pain he's having so I'm everyone's driver. Some days I'm driving three or four hours on top of starting my workday at 4:30 so I can keep up with my work. Just not as much time for LJ or blogging. Sad isn't it?

But I'm trying to get a handle on a schedule and balancing everything. Hopefully that means you'll see more of me. I've missed you guys! :) How is everyone in LJ land??!

So, went to see this movie last night. Figured that my husband and I were probably the only two on the planet who hadn't seen it yet and since everyone's talking about it - yeah. I should go.

Wow. Good wow. Bad wow. Lots of wow.

I had a lot of opinions on the film. Enough that I felt like I should blog about it. I kept it spoiler free for the most part. There's one MINOR spoiler that really doesn't divulge a lot of plot or anything major...but I marked it clearly so you should be able to read without being spoiled much.

I can't guarantee that it won't change the way you watch the film or see the film though. Several people that I've spoken with have said that I changed the film for them, so read it at your own risk. ;)

( Click here to see what I thought. )

Here's my review of "Castle" by Richard Heat, er...Nathan...er...yeah. I know the people on my flist get it.

http://fictionaddict.com/2009/12/15/heat-wave-by-richard-castle/

I also watched "The End of Time Part I". Had mixed feelings about it really. There was a lot of cheese. And a lot of *facesmack* but there was just enough "Oooohhh....really?" to keep me interested for the second part.

Anyone got theories they want to share? What do you think RTD's gonna do to end his run of the series??

How was everyone's holiday season? Anyone have any fun stories to share?! C'mon...you know you want to. ;)

*sigh* Seems in my media stoppage over the past week I lost my paid account status. Hm. Is it worth it to re-up? Should I? Should I not? Hmmmmmm.....

I got Richard Castle's new book from the publisher today - they want me to review it! *squee* Wonder if I can interview him?

It's called Red Canyon and it's good. I'm impressed. It's different than the usual family friendly stuff I work on, but I like it. And I'm getting to work with some cool people.

Check out www.redcanyonthemovie.com and let me know what you think of the trailer. :) And yes, there are some VERY cool people in the film and YES I am working with them. *grins*

I can't believe how much amazingly fun stuff is happening around here.

First - I sold a script. I optioned the rights to a film company for 365 days. If they haven't made the film or begun production in that one year term, the rights revert back to me. WOO HOO!

Second - I got to interview AUDREY NIFFENEGGER! Know who that is? The author of The Time Traveler's Wife! :) It was great! You guys should check it out. It's at www.fictionaddict.com. And GUESS WHAT? SHE'S A WHOVIAN!!!! YES! She writes about Doctor Who in her new book "Her Fearful Symmetry" - and we talked all about it in the interview! Got to check it out.

So is anyone still out there? What are you guys up to?!